Review Context
Matt and I stayed at the Les Suites at the Cliff Bay for 7 nights on our recent vacation in Madeira. The Les Suites is a separate hotel connected to the much larger Cliff Bay Hotel (we stayed there last time we traveled to Madeira). Both hotels consider themselves to be 5-star luxury results, but the Les Suites is meant to be more exclusive (and expensive). They are a part of the Madeira based Porto Bay group which own hotels across much of Portugal and Brazil. I will review the Porto Bay Brand in a separate post as we are huge fans. As always, I am reviewing the hotel based on how it advertises itself and comparing it to what I expect at a luxury 5-star hotel.
Booking
Most of the rooms at the Les Suites are the same size and all of them come with a beautiful ocean and Funchal city view. We chose a room with a private garden too which was a few dollars more a night. Our rate was about 3700 Euros, but it included roundtrip private transfers to/from the airport, a 50-minute couples massage, daily breakfast either in bed or at the restaurant, a bottle of champaign, a private romantic dinner and fresh flowers delivered to our room. While 3700 Euros is not cheap, the room, views, amenities, and inclusions listed above makes this a pretty nice value. For fun, google how much 7 nights at a 5-star hotel in NYC, Paris, or London costs without any of the inclusions listed above…
Location
The hotel is built on top of a cliff overlooking the ocean and Funchal city. While some may prefer to be closer to the city, we love the location as the city is just a 20-minute walk, but far enough away that it is quieter. Crime is not an issue in Madeira so walking is always lovely.
The Room
The room was quite wonderful. You enter a series of closets to your right and one of the entryways into the bathroom. Then you flow into the living room with a walkout to the balcony and garden. Turn left and you enter the master bedroom with two double beds joined (it is a European thing). Finally, a massive master closet awaits with another entry into the bathroom. I always joke that Europe had to be discovered by a gay man as there is a hose next to the toilet (use your imagination) and a bidet. Kind of gross Americans do their thing without proper cleaning.
The Balcony and Private Gardens
I will let the pictures speak for themselves.
Dining
All rates at the Les Suites include breakfast which consists of a buffet AND a la carte items such as eggs cooked to order, waffles, pancakes and breakfast meats. The buffet included fresh island fruit, pastries, breads and meats, Coffee, specialty coffee, juices, water and sparkling wine were all included. I have the highest status with Marriott and get breakfast included and I am lucky if I get a strip of bacon… Breakfast was wonderful.
We ate at the main restaurant, Avista for our private romantic dinner where I proposed (again) to Matt. The chef is a 2x Michelin award winner and his food looked and tasted it. We had a 5-course tasting menu and it was excellent.
Avista also has a lovely patio bar with amazing views that offers fresh bites throughout the day.
Amenities
Les Suites has an infinity pool, gym, Pilates room and movie theater. However, since the hotel only has 23 rooms that was the extent of onsite amenities. The purpose of this hotel is quiet, tranquility and views. People looking for activities should stay next-door. Yet, one of the benefits of the Les Suites is that it is connected to the much larger Cliff Bay Hotel that has much larger pools, a beautiful spa, several restaurants and direct beach access. Residents of the Les Suites can use the amenities at the Cliff Bay, but the peasants (at the other 5-star hotel 😊) next-door could not use the Les Suites.
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Service
This is the one area I will ding the hotel. The service was not bad by any stretch of the imagination, but for a 5-star luxury hotel with 23 rooms it was not personable or proactive enough. The front desk person was always hidden behind their computer as you walked in and would only say hello if you initiated. The staff at Avista rarely checked the table and every morning at breakfast we were asked what our name and room number were. I get at a 500 room 4-star Marriott that personalized service is tough, but by day 5 at a 23-room hotel…they should know my name. On a side note, the average age at the hotel was about 70 so two 37-year-old gays should stick out and make it easier 😊. However, once you found a server, they were wonderful, our rooms were cleaned nicely 2x a day and room service was great. We even had coffee delivered at 4am on the day of our departure and they did not charge us.
Overall Rating
****.5/*****
We absolutely loved the hotel and cannot wait to return. Had to ding it a little for service, but remember I am comparing it to service I expect at a St. Regis/Ritz/Four Seasons. Service was totally fine for any normal person, but y’all know I am a bit extra. Otherwise, the room, views, food and experience were wonderful and great value for the cost.
Bon Voyage,
Andrew
Out And Abroad 